A Paean to Foreskin Man

The MGM Bill movement aims to pass a referendum motion in San Francisco which would outlaw male circumcision, with no religious exceptions.  Nasty critics of the movement have tried to paint the President of MGMBill as an anti-semite for his innocuous depiction of a rabbi performing a circumcision in the comic series supporting the referendum: Foreskin Man.  The words of appreciation here for Foreskin Man are a reaction to the slanderous comments of one of the movement's detractors, published below as proof of the calumny which Foreskin Man must face daily.

Notice to the sensitive reader: of necessity, this piece contains a number of references to male privates, in various synonyms.  If this offends you, you'll want to avoid it.

Foreskin man is the embodiment of the Male Genital Mutilation Bill Movement, par excellence.  After encountering this phenomenon, one realizes: words simply can't express the MGM movement; it's Foreskin Man, plain and simple.

He's like the artistic equivalent of a powerful penis-enhancement product.  More than this, in fact.  The blond superhero could likely solve the problem of pork-sword deficiency entirely for San Francisco residents who suffer from one of the many forms of schlong shortcoming.  He's a combination of pure genious, visual artistry, depth psychology, and advocacy for a more ballsy nation, all packed in a blue bodysuit.

Psychologists know how traumas can be dealt with by sublimating painful associations into a larger narrative and life purpose. Here, the general feeling "my Johnson is inadequate" can be sublimated into the larger story: "Evil, bigoted, backwards types are trying to deprive America of good-working lap rockets." And: "By supporting this cause, I can stop these fiendish villains from harming this country's virility."

Incipit Foreskin Man: The sculpted abs. The muscular neck. The chiselled jaw.  Obviously - obviously this heroic marvel comes spectacularly equipped with a sizeable, uncut trousersnake.  Each depiction of him cries out: Man, this guy's well-hung.  In each thrill-packed episode, Foreskin Man hunts down an evil circumciser, preventing a helpless infant's wee-wee from being snippy-snipped.

By a simple act of sublimation through this munificent cause - the MGM movement against circumcision - victims of schlong insecurity are able to identify by proxy with Foreskin Man's Quite Remarkable Johnson.  By doing no more than advocating Foreskin Man's manly mission.  Sure: it doesn't increase tool size or function.  But Foreskin Man's fans are able to channel their libidinous energy into saving the world, just like Foreskin Man - envisioning themselves as contributing to future of womankind's pleasure in the form of thousands of wholly intact, uncut skin flutes.  Now there's a feat that even the guy with the world's most proficient pecker can't accomplish.  A mere referendum vote, a campaign sign on one's lawn, or a word to a neighbor in favor of intact genitals does the trick.  It's as simple as that - and I'm not pulling your chain.



Of course, the campaign itself is nicely packaged with the modesty befit a public, progressive cause - without verbally wagging about Foreskin Man's spectacular wangdang doodle too directly.  The electoral materials employ vocabulary evocative of civic-responsibility - like "mutilation," "babies," "rights."  But one glimpse at the impressive manhood of Foreskin Man, and we know what it's all about: A More Functionally Phallic America.

Skeptics will ask: is it worth it, for San Franciscans, to pass this referendum to help these guys feel they're doing something about their tubesteak traumas - though making the city practically uninhabitable by families of practicing Jews and Muslims?  Could there be an underlying motive suspicious of the virility which white guys imagine to be present in Jewish and Muslim men, as so aptly described in Edward Said's magnum opus Orientalism?  And is it sensible to entirely outlaw a measure which deters the transmission of HIV by as much as 45% in one of our cities with the highest incidences of the virus?

I can only respond: such skeptics may as well begin doubting what a great asset we had in the American Dream-defining marvel of Anna Nicole Smith's tatas.  If they can't see things the American way - well, maybe they belong in some country that's more about tresses of garlic or grass huts - like France or Mozambique.

And consider the terrible consequences if this referendum doesn't pass: can we afford to leave San Francisco's cherished white male population feeling flaccid?

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Backdrop / Context:



A nasty critic of Foreskin Man and the MGM movement has posted the following calumnous remarks:

The FAQ of the MGM movement says:

”Many men who are circumcised suffer the same psychological effects found in rape victims. A sense of great loss and feelings of anger, distrust, and grief are common among circumcised men who are aware of the functions that the foreskin performs. Problems with intimacy in adult life, long term post-traumatic stress disorder, and feelings of personal powerlessness are also reported by men when discussing their circumcisions.”

Notice how those experiencing this trauma are those who “are aware of the functions that the foreskin performs” – i.e., persons who have been reading the MGM agitprop.

Not unlike guys who are exposed to, and believe, ads that go like: “Hey dude, you got a little one? Wanna nine incher and be hung like a normal guy, so you can make the ladies happy just like a normal guy does? We got the pills for you!”

Such men experience a nearly identical trauma.

I.e., the agitprop is producing the trauma, and not the state of being circumcised.

Circumcision is made out to be a great conspiracy, citing a “lucrative market” in foreskins, though no information is provided on the price of an actual foreskin. It’s entirely possible these foreskins are simply provided free, though the product involves the expensive process of enculturation and is therefore not free.

Hey dude, there’s something wrong with yer johnson so these fat cat international skin traffickers can get rich by selling your foreskin.

I can imagine some guys might get traumatized by that, yeah.

In response to some comments I've seen: even though the “target” is the practice of circumcision – does this then legitimate portraying Judaism as evil and sickly? Would you, for a good cause, portray an image generalizing denigration about black people or Muslims?


The passage bill would effectively make San Francisco uninhabitable for families which are practicing adherents of Judaism and Islam.  And male circumcision significantly reduces the chance of spread of HIV in male / female intercourse (up to 45%), San Francisco being one of the most highly infected of America's large cities.